Cut!
Mike, I do not need your face in the frame.
And yours too, Jane. I do not want to shoot your face!
We start again. Everyone in the place.
And the face to the wall!
Start. Action!
"Sorrow", Scene 125, Take 7.
Action!
Move. Hurry up!
The stuntmen are free. Finally, we go to serious shoots.
Johnny Holliday and Jay Birkin, it's your turn.
We'll shoot a little romantic scene.
Yes, on this ledge, on the 7th floor. Come here, all right.
Do not stumble, be careful. There.
They bring the stuntman of "A" class for such a nonsense.
- But you are well paid. - I don't like working for free.
- Quiet!
"Sorrow", Scene 126, Take 1.
Action!
Those two still here? I don't want to see you till 10:00 am tomorrow morning!
- Why did he say "till 10:00 am"? - 10:00? I do not know.
Hyacinthe why he said "10:00 am tomorrow morning"?
- Monsieur Fechner, what time you need us tomorrow? - The trick with the car, tomorrow at 10.
- No way. - What do you mean "no way"?
Tomorrow at 10 Jane Gardner is getting married to Michel Gaucher.
- It can't wait? - No.
Marseille, find the other two by tomorrow morning.
Let's not get excited, Monsieur Fechner, could we discuss it.
- Discuss it? Are you kidding? - Can't we make a deal.
- No, not at all! - Jane.
- We're getting married tomorrow at 10 am, period! - Can't we get married and 11.
Or 12, or not to get married at all! - But then say "farewell" to honeymoon in Venice.
- Our wedding will be in pizzeria in Lyunvile. - Well, let it be than.
- I'll talk to her. - Go ahead.
- You are lucky that Edward doesn't deny anything to me. - Who is Edward?
Mayor of the 18th District. My High School friend.
- If I ask him to postpone the ceremony for an hour... - No!
Gaucher family will treat you all with champagne tomorrow!
- Tomorrow is an important day? - Where do you spend your honeymoon?
I do not know, in Venice or... Lyunvile.
- She sent you? - You kidding!
She agreed, but she wants to leave the house already in wedding clothes.
- Imagine me on the set wearing wedding tuxedo? - Tuxedo?
- Yes. That's what left in rental plus some academic cape.
Is he here, yet?
They're here. Will Hyacinthe be with you on the honeymoon as well?
I think, he will not dare.
- What, you're still not ready? - City Hall is five minutes away from here.
City Hall, but...
What is it?
Don't you think that the hat is too much? Help me fasten the dress.
With pleasure.
Take a needle and thread, you'll fix on the road.
- You even didn't say, if you like my dress. - Very nice! Let's go!
Drive a little slower, please.
It seems you want that we miss the shooting?
- Stop! Stop! - What else?
- Repeat what you said. - I talked to Doris about darning.
No, I hear you said "shooting."
- You want to go to work on a day like this? - Deal is a deal.
What? But I didn't agree... It's your doing!
At 10:00 - shooting, at 11:00 - wedding. If disputes can not prevent you from marrying
Tomorrow you will admire Venice from a gondola.
Scoundrel! Give me something and I...
- Madame Gaucher, you are right. - Madame Gaucher? Is that so?
Thanks God, not yet. And maybe she never will!
And it's true, you - old rascal! You gotta go to landfill.
- Why not a dog cemetery? - You lied to her.
You both worth each other. Admit that you were with him on that all the time, you bastard!
- "Sorrow", Scene 52, Take 21. - Action!
Cut!
What you think you are? We shoot "Eternal Sorrow," and not the "Father of the Bride!"
- I'm sorry. - Change the clothes. Only the top.
- "Sorrow", Scene 52, Take 22. - Action!
- How much time we have? - Don't worry. We have time.
- We are ready! - And we're not. Wait here.
We're leaving after 10 minutes! - I warned them.
- "Sorrow", Scene 52, Take 23. - Action!
- "Sorrow", Scene 52, Take 24. - Action!
Good. Cut! - Prepare the next one.
Stuntmen, get ready!
My children, your turn. It's 10:30 - I kept my word.
If you want to please me, try to make it right the first time.
It's not even a trick. I feel like I steal money.
They bring the stuntman of "A" class for such a nonsense.
Mike.
- Mike, can you hear me? - I hear you.
- You will pass close to the camera, OK? - It's simple.
Action! - "Sorrow", Scene 53, Take 1.
Mike, go!
Damn, I clearly said - next to the camera!
Stuntman your class, you said?
Do not play on my nerves. I hate stupid hysterics.
I am a stupid hysterics? That is enough! So, I got it!
What did you get it?
That I almost married a loser and an idiot.
It's still not too late, my dear. Nobody forces you to marry me!
Too bad. It would be a great pair: idiot and hysteric.
- "Sorrow", Scene 53, Take 2. - Action!
Mike, go!
Do not forget. Next to the camera and not on camera.
You take care of your machine gun, driving - it's my business!
- Brakes! - Shit! Brakes!
Watch out!
We're turning...
Do not breathe.
Sooner or later - I have to. This idiot is no longer giving me advice!
Take that back.
What? - An "idiot"?
No, "loser". "Idiot" I forgive you, but calling Michel Gaucher a "loser"...
You will be sorry for that!
They must be depressed, poor things. I think the God forgot about them.
- You bring bad luck! - Monsieur Mayor.
What's up, lovebirds?
I present you my good friend, the Mayor of the 18th District.
- What the Mayor is doing here? - Hyacinthe.
- Go to hell. - What are you mumbling about?
- Get lost.
What is the Mayor doing here? He ??will get you married!
Monsieur Mayor, you have the floor.
Monsieur Michel Gaucher, do you want to take...
Michel Gaucher is over here.
Monsieur Michel Gaucher, do you want to marry Mademoiselle Jeanne Gardner?
I do not know if I can now.
This question must be answered only "yes" or "no".
Yes.
Mademoiselle Jeanne Gardner, do you want to become the wife of Monsieur Michel Gaucher?
No!
Mademoiselle is American. She doesn't understand. Repeat the question!
Mademoiselle Jeanne Gardner, do you want to become the wife of Monsieur Michel Gaucher?
- Shit! - She has a fever.
The insult of civil servant during performance of his duties. I will no't forget it!
- One has received 3 months of jail term! - Wait.
We will make a donation to the municipality. Wait!
3 months it's not enough. I hope they put you at maximum sentence.
You'll become a spinster in prison.
You know what is a spinster in prison?
You will loose your teeth due to lack of calcium.
And your breasts, which you are so proud, will become saggy.
You'll write me the letters, and I'll read them as pornographic novel!
During this time, I'll get married to Kashmir Princess.
What is wrong with me? What a strange feeling.
- Bitch! - Murderer!
Doctor! She's killing me, doctor!
She wants to kill me!
Doctor, nurse... Help!
Mike!
Mike! What is he doing?
During the recovery period, stillness should be avoided.
I have an idea. - Stop fooling around!
Enough, you better help me. Come on.
- You spy on women? - Love helps to avoid stilness.
You will be better at home. Do you want me to ask the doctor?
No, this idiot wants to keep me here for another week.
Speaking of idiots, do you have news from Mike?
He writes you every day. She thinks you're at home.
- Do you miss him? - Do not make me laugh.
Hi, Doris. Have you seen Jane?
That terrible American, is in love with me.
We don't see him.
Doris, and who is with you... Is this your grandmother?
Bastard!
If I was healthy, I would have jump over the fence and raped her.
- Like in Carpentras. - What happened in Carpentras?
This is our secret. I met Jane there.
She lived in the "Golden Lion". I climbed the wall, climbed through the window...
- And raped her? - Three times!
True, but two times I went through the wrong window.
- You laugh, but now I'm disabled. - So what?
Small, partial disability of 50 percent...
...with a few dependents. - Not including you?
Understand... society consists of two types of people:
... those who pay dues, and those who use them.
Hi, Mike!
All OK, Mike?
Hi, Camille.
So, the golden times? Look, what I had to refused...
Man-cannon, man-panther... - Any movies?
Insanity. They don't film anything except the psychological bullshit.
Love stories and political dramas.
By the way. Here is the bill from Camille. 250 francs. Basically nothing, but..
It's time to use the bathroom.
Good day!
- Hello, my savior angel! - Hello.
- Can I make a phone call? - Sure.
- Who is this guy? - Michel Gaucher, a stuntman.
- Would you like some stew? - No, thanks.
- Really? - I know it's tasty, but thank you.
- Sorry. That's it.
Hello. Can I talk to Michel Gaucher?
Michel Gaucher? - He is in the bathroom.
- But here is his manager. - Well, call him.
- Hyacinthe! - Yes?
It's for you!
- From the studio. - What is it?
- Sorry to bother you... - Go to the point.
We would be very happy if Monsieur Michel Gaucher has time now...
...to offer him a three-week contract in New Mexico.
- For 20 thousand dollars. - How much?
20 thousand dollars.
Or 50,000 German marks, or if Monsieur Gaucher prefers... Swiss francs.
Oh... Mr. Paramount says hello.
We're counting on you. Thank you very much.
Old bastard! He wants me to believe in contract for 20 thousand dollars..
...because of a debt of 250 francs. I guess they're penniless.
- You breathe so hard. - It's nothing. I'm all right.
A producer just called you.
He asked whether you're interested in 20 thousand dollars?
I hope you refused because he will take himself 50.
- Let him learn some courtesy, you don't call during the lunch!
- Hello. - Hello.
- Hi. - I have business offer for you.
We have so much to do. Well, go away.
They need new promo act for supermarket. Simple... Gorilla swings on a rope... If Mike is still in shape.
He is better than before. 100%.
- Only now I don't do just anything. - Really?
No offense, Santos, but you're in food business.
With my movie ratings I can't afford this kind of publicity. I'm so sorry.
Well.
- Bye, guys. - See you.
Why did you refuse the work?
With the contract for 50 thousand dollars I'm not going to jump like gorilla from shelf to shelf.
Mike, who are you, a kid? Wake up!
Yes, you're right. Hey Santos!
"Panzani"!
And today we're advertising pasta "Panzani"!
Our gorilla loves it! And you'll, too!
Also, only today you can buy two kg for for the price of one!
The sale is on right now!
You are superb, honestly.
Compared to Santos' gorilla, who only bragged about products.
And we have the same work. I haven't warmed up, yet. Not quite fit.
- You go to the movies? - Yes, if I'm invited.
- Did you see "Burning Savannah"? - Yes!
It was me who jumped from baobab.
- Jump from 15 meters. - I don't believe you.
- Do you want to see it? - Yes!
- I'll do it for you. - Awsome.
Hey, monkey, is not the time!
Don't pay any attention to me, baby.
Now, look. Like in "Burning Savannah".
Look carefully!
Shit, my counter.
- I get it, I go to the cashier for money. - No way, we will assess damages first.
Who are you? - You don't know. Did you see "Burning Savannah"?
- He was the one jumping from baobab. - Get out!
- I'm Madam Moffrua from Social Services. - Good day.
- Monsieur Barre, treasurer. - Good day.
- We need Michel Gaucher. - Please, come inside.
I'll get Monsieur Michel Gaucher.
Mike, get dressed, people from Social Services are here!
Hey guys, run to the supermarket and tell Mike...
...that people from Social Services are hereand we need pregnant woman!
Run fast!
He will be ready in a minute. He's putting clothes on.
Good day, madam. Good day, sir.
- These are the children and their mother. - Hello.
- I think the state of your husband... - Alas.
I know it will be hard for you, but my duty is to put him in the hospital.
Have pity, madam. Please, have mercy!
Don't take my angel from me, have mercy, I beg you!
I think you have more children now than last time.
How many do you have?
Seven...
No, eight.
No, exactly seven. What's a difference... soon will be one more!
- He seems happy. - This is his only joy.
For the family allowance I have to make a note that patient is uncureable.
Tulips !
Good.
You left the hospital? How are you feeling?
- Good, untill you didn't ring the bell. - You are sweet.
- I didn't come to you but to see your friend. - Get out!
Why did you turned on the light?
Darkness for you is harmful. You start recalling, getting depressed.
- This is not a depression but melancholy. - It's the same thing.
There is a difference like between "drunk as a lord" and "pissed as a fart"!
Wait, maybe those're the idiots from Social Services?
Maybe they have a bonus for broken heart?
- Do not play the fool. - OK, go.
- Hey Santos! - Hi Hyacinthe.
- Hi, Mike. - Hey, Santos. You shed your skin?
Could I ask you a favor. I have a tour in the province with the Duval brothers.
On the real trapeze. I have to leave immediately.
- Can you replace me in the store? - I'd love to, but after the last time...
But they kicked out you and not a monkey.
Hello, my friends! Today we start weekly sale of "Panzani".
I just say "pasta" and you'll immediately add: "Panzani"!
Our supergorilla loves pasta "Panzani"!
Pasta "Panzani" - that's life! This week we have super offer!
Two kilograms for the price of the one!
Two kilograms of pasta "Panzani"! Pasta "Panzani" - that's life!
Long live pasta "Panzani"!
She loves pasta, she eats it! With pleasure!
Pasta "Panzani" - that's life! Remember, two for one.
Jane.
One pastis.
We're at Roissy. Concorde has just landed. And we are all waiting for...
...significant event in world's cinema. Arrival of Bruno Ferrar in Paris.
You all know him, especially television spectators. He was irresistible...
...in "Black Sheikh", "White Eagle", in "Son of Patton" and "The Last Attack."
Then, there was fantastic performance in "Napoleon."
Of course, you remember these titles, that are connected with the person...
...who just arrived on Concorde and whose name is Bruno Ferrari.
Bruno Ferrari, with the constant smile on his face!
Good day, are you happy to meet again with Paris fans?
- Yes, I'm very happy. Paris, means a new film. - What it will be?
This is a bold adventure movie "Spy in Love"
That means, it will be action movie with dangerous stunts?
- Yes, yes, I love risk. - And you'll perform the stunts yourself?
They say that you don't always perform complicated stunts yourself, right?
Listen. Look at me. I will never let to double myself!
- Maybe switch to football? - No!
- What stunts will be in this movie? - My God, there're lot of them.
I jump from a flying helicopter to a flying plane. I fall down...
- From the plane? - From the huge ladder.
All stunts by yourself? - All by myself, my friend!
Who's there pushing all the time?
- Maybe switch to football? - Yes!
Only touch the TV!
Samurai, upstairs! Take your places! Get ready.
Mademoiselle Priscilla Lobo too! Good, good.
- Where Bruno Ferrari? - In his trailer.
Bring him. Fast!
Bruno Ferrari, to the movie set!
- Look, Bruno? - Yes.
- It's simple. You see the ladder? - Yes.
- On the command "Action", climb on it. - How far?
If you say to the top - I climb to the top, to the middle - I climb to the middle.
- And if you say jump - I jump. - I don't want any accidents!
- What a cutie. - Thank you, Bruno. To the top!
Do not bother him. If he says that he can, therefore, he's able to!
So, Bruno, you go up the ladder.
Upstairs all ready? Put the masks on.
Good! - Attention. Action!
Action!
Bruno, you ready? ...Go!
Come on.
- Get me out! Hurry up! - Cut!
You, upstairs. Stop! Get him out. Faster.
They did it on purpose, to collect the insurance!
This ladder is not even secured!
I warn you, this film has elements of acrobatics in the air.
Do you expect to complete all the shot with this guy? Choose: either him or me, Sergio Campanese!
You, fat spaghetti eater!
Your recent films are refused to show even on free channels!
And you compare yourself with object of dream for millions of women.
Well, you deliver me some pleasure...
...and immediately find the double for all his stunts!
But in this movie, there is nothing else except the stunts.
Stop. Bring back the previous one.
This is it!
Well? ...Who is this?
Bruno Ferrari! Rudolph Valentino of atomic age!
No! This is Bruno Ferrari, and this is Michel Gaucher, a stuntman!
- I know him. You want to hire him? - Yes!
Then, I have to stop everything. How much will I loose?
One moment... 2,6 million.
Damn right. Now I remember him.
Hot head, but a good heart. Handsome!
- What was your disagreement? - But that was you who had disagreement with him.
Apologize! Sprawled in front of him!
But tomorrow he has to be here!
- What will you have? - Today's special.
- Two! - No snacks?
- No, I'll take... - No, no.
- A little... - No!
In two weeks I'll have something for you. At the bean market, auto-rodeo.
- Bean market! - Kid, I'm doing everything I can.
We sunk to the level of bean market!
- Monsieur Michel Gaucher to the phone! - Who wants to know?
- Movie makers. - I've been taking care of his business.
- Hello. - Monsieur Hyacinthe?
Why are you calling during the dinner?
We would like to offer Monsieur Gaucher a work. Is he fully ??recovered?
Of course, but if this is the same offer we'll end the conversation immediately.
I don't want to hear anything. Do you need great Mike Gaucher, or not?
Our terms are as follows: 5,000 francs a day, warm trailer, personal wardrobe mistress.
- That's it? - No.
- His name in the film has to have individual caption. - What else?
More? Personal driver, a hairdresser and Asian masseuse. All or nothing!
And alcoholic drinks!
- It wasn't you? - No.
Hello!
- Monsieur Fechner. Monsieur Fechner. - Yes?
- They are quite crazy. - Who?
Gaucher and his manager.
They want 5,000 francs a day, trailer, wardrobe mistress, hairdresser...
...chauffeur, masseuse and alcoholic drinks. I hung up.
Did you see a long line of unemployed for soup, my dear?
You will find yourself in it if you will not going to get me this guy!
And treat him like Uganda's general. Go!
- Monsieur Gaucher? - Monsieur Gaucher?
Thank you! Come in, I'll go get him.
Come in, sit down. That's it.
Just a minute.
Sorry, I have to dress him, and then he has some hearing problems.
Run to get Mike!
Mike! Mike! Run home! Hurry up!
Hello, gentlemen! I'm Madame Gaucher.
My husband is coming. Our children.
My poor husband.
Make room for the disabled! Make room for the disabled!
My God, he is a wreck.
Completaly, doctor. Absolutely bad.
We are criminals. Asking for stunts such a poor man.
Stunts? Who asks for stunts?
Sergio Campanese, Fechner and me.
It was me who called. I'm director of the movie.
- It was you who called? - Yes.
Why didn't you say immediately! I am in great shape.
Should I demonstrate? What jump do you want?
I have nowhere to hide my health! Look!
Do you remember? I'm back!
He is so glorious. Excuse me, once again!
Here's what I like!
Prewar production. Repair once in100 years and it's ready to use.
Good. Tomorrow I'm waiting for you in the studio.
Management agreed to everything. Driver, hairdresser, masseuse...
- And alcoholic drinks! - Yes.
And what are you doing here?
- I'm looking forward to continue of the play. - Who are you?
Doctor of Social Services board.
And now go, enough!
- You are aggravated by guilt. - Yes, aggravated!
Awesome. He found a job!
What are you waiting for, stop this crazy guy!
Your documents.
Hi, Camille!
- Pastis? - No, Vichy with raspberries.
- It seems that your things improved? - You ever doubt it?
- Yes, but not because of the debt! - I know.
Hello, Jane? It's me. Yes, me. Mike.
Look, I need to see you.
Bad situation?
See, Camille. Women can't sense the great men.
Today you can take me with bare hands, but tomorrow I will be out of reach.
Pour me some whiskey.
How nice to be back!
Hi, Paulette!
Don't talk about the contract, I'll do it myself. We have such a conditions for the first time!
Wait.
Bruno, dear. I want you to meet your double. Hope, I did not interrupt.
- No, I work 24 hours a day. - You're one of the few. Look.
- I can not see. - Adjust the light!
- Which one? - Him.
Who is this?
Bruno, dear, this is Mike Gaucher, stuntman, whom I told you about.
He's well known in the world!
- But what a freak, look at him. - Do not worry, we'll fix him up.
Fix him up?You need to change everything, it will take months!
I'm warning you, Bruno, you will be shocked.
This is what I love.
Sit down.
Gotcha! You thought it's your reflection?
He is the same?
Bravo! Excellent work.
I really like him. Cutie!
SPY IN LOVE
Call the stuntmen.
Work your feet! Work your feet!
- Mike, Sergio is calling you. - I'm coming.
So, Mike, I explain it to you. This is ejector seat.
You sit here, press button number 1 and...
...seat - bang! Stuntwoman in the sky, the sky on the screen.
- Got it? - Yes.
- Solange, stuntwoman. - Come here.
This is Mike, your partner. - Did you work together? - Yes.
- Do you think I'll be working with this guy? - Yes.
No way! He is danger to society!
- Because of him, I've been ten times to the hospital! - Three times.
Every minute on the set is worth a fortune! You will swear later!
Then it will be too late!
- I want bonus. - How much?
- 1000. - 500!
- Okay. - Go change, my dear!
- Try not to be like the last time. - You know me.
Action! Go, Mike!
Eject!
- Button! - Too early.
- It's too late! - Just right.
Shit! He does this again!
She fell into the water!
Hey, what are you waiting for?
Get me out!
- Bravo, Mike. - What does "Bravo, Mike" mean?
I was going to say: "I'll show you"!
I worked with him for the last time.
She looks like a wet hen.
Damn you!
She supposed to fell on the net, and not in the water! You did it on purpose?
- Well, mistakes happen. - Shut up, you are just a loser!
You fire us?
So, now we don't have a stuntwoman! What do we do, you scumbag?
- And whose double she was? - Mine!
- And you have chosen this...? - Bastard!
I know who could be a double to Mademoiselle.
- Who? - Jane Gardner.
I called her, but she said, that she doesn't do this anymore.
She was injured.
If Jane Gardner would hear my voice, she would not refuse.
- She would do everything, as I say. - Okay. We are waiting for you.
We'll start again tomorrow.
So, tomorrow we shoot flying!
- Jane? - Jane.
All is lost.
I'm telling you, she's not here!
She is tired of all these letters, flowers and phone calls.
- And how I'm sick of it. - Why did you come here?
I want to help her and get her out of this vegetating.
- You? - Yes.
If I want, she could earn 20,000 a day.
- And for how long? - 3-4 days.
And then?
You tell me.
If I tell you, you'll scold me. If not, she will.
Well, you can see her today evening in Pontoise, in the castle of Saint-Prix.
Monsieur Viscount gives a family dinner.
- She works part-time? - Yes, part-time.
Monsieur, parking for the staff is on the back.
I need to speak with Miss Jane Gardner.
- Is she invited? - No.
She guards the wardrobe or something. Go and find out.
You have nothing to do here, get out!
VISIT AFRICAN RESERVE OF CASTLE SAINT PRIX
Oh, you little creature!
And besides, so sticky!
Enough!
Let me go!
Relax, do not move.
What impertinence.
- Monsieur the Viscount, the table is set. - Thank you.
Dear friends, I ask you to the table!
What is going on? Why you're behind?
Hurry!
Well, go on!
Fuck off.
Jane, it's me!
- Good evening, my dear. - It's me, Mike!
- What are you doing here? - I could ask you the same thing.
We need to talk. Very seriously. There is an offer.
What is beneficial to you, is not always beneficial to me.
You're putting too much.
Soon you'll be able to eat delicacies in any quantity.
Now you will jump from joy to ceiling.
Here they are too high. Stop, they pay attention to us!
Mike, I know... Meet me on the 2nd floor.
- In the Trophy Hall. - At your service, my lady!
Thank you.
Going for the addition, she wants more.
Jane, my cousins ??from Landa makes the world's best pate.
I hate pate! But I love truffles.
They say they are found in the ground, but I always find them in pate.
Here's another one.
- What are you doing here? - I'm on duty.
Michel Gaucher, nickname "The Weasel", secret services inspector.
It will be hot here, tonight.
- Please leave us. - Yes, of course.
You are aware that your presence here and in this uniform...
You don't like my costume? But your dress is amazing!
You're adorable!
No, no, no! Tell me what you have and go.
- And if I can do anything to help... - Funny! You turned everything.
How can you help me? Organize a fundraiser?
No, Jane, my barn swallow, I came to offer you a chance!
First, to work together with me.
Work with you? Oh, no, I have still fresh memories of it.
Me, too! Saint-Jean Deleuze, St. Tropez, Monte Carlo, Cannes...
I've got a crack in the spine, a broken arm...
...sprains and cranial trauma.
You're dramatizing, but listen, Fechner's studio agreed on everything!
I put them on their knees! How much do you want? Name any number.
I'm not interested.
- 20,000 a day! - I said I'm not interested.
What? 20,000, folding chair, alcoholic drinks...
Then what are you interested in?
And if all goes well, we go to America!
But if not - there is a monkey skin waiting for me in the supermarket.
Jane... my cousin wants you to come down, he will say a toast.
I'm coming.
So you go to America without me.
My friends, without bragging, for last 20 years I caught and brought here from Africa...
...the most beautiful animals. But in Paris, I was captivated...
...no, rather fascinated by a delicious gazelle.
I propose a toast to the guest, that will soon become the mistress.
To the future Countess of Saint Prix!
Excuse me.
You see, she's already galloping away!
And when is the wedding?
But this toast is ridiculous and premature.
Please do not be offended. I can explain!
Everything is very clear. You're getting married for the title.
Once you know a wedding date, inform me.
I know how to play the accordion and serve hot snacks.
And I know how to leave without the scandal.
Here he is! Catch him!
Catch him!
What is going on here?
Mike, here!
- Stop it, I was wrong. - What will be, will be.
No. Well, tomorrow I'll go with you on shooting.
Thank you.
I just do it to save from destruction the 18th century castle!
Hide yourself here.
- I'll get you a pillow. - Bring yours as well!
Good night!
You just arrived?
- And this one here! - Yeah, what does he want?
I do not want to leave without seeing you. I came to say goodbye to Mike.
I go back to my homeland. I have there a wine cellar.
Yes, Hyacinthe retires and goes to Correze.
What a pity that I will not see it.
I'll never forget you. I will miss you.
We will be in touch and see each other at Christmas and Easter.
- In the evening at Camille's. - I get it.
Winter in Corezze is cold. Beautiful, but severe. It will not be easy for him.
You are so funny, when trying to trick me!
- Thanks. - I'm so happy!
- Good afternoon. - Take your place.
Mike, I must confess, I didn't believe you.
If I promised, I keep my word!
- Promised? What did you promise? - Nothing.
I can not believe. How do you lure them?
Charm, old boy! And special facial expressions.
- Which one? - This one.
Witty!
- You are Jane Gardner? - Yes.
Amazing!...
- What's he saying? - He says, nothing to look at.
He did not understand. Even a fool can see, what a great figure!
- Is he doing an inventory of the property? - No, kidding.
- Why do you look at your watch? - Because they are coming!
Well, if Monsieur Gaucher ready, me too.
Take your places!
Mike, be careful today. Next to you is a very beautiful woman.
Mike, do not forget, button number 1.
- Are you ready, Jane? - Ready.
Go on, Mike!
- Release! - Get ready.
This was great!
You were amazing! Amazing from the first time!
I'm waiting for divorce in Italy.
Maybe one evening we can have dinner together?
- Sure, thanks. - Excellent!
You know, Jane, I'm here all alone, poor Italian in the big city.
Upstairs all ready? Costumes OK?
Good. So, if Monsieur Gaucher is ready...
...ask Monsieur Bruno Ferrari to come here.
Fast!
Jane, my dear, how are you? Sit down next to me.
- Two teas, please! - Do not worry.
Nothing, nothing... Bruno! How are you, dear?
Come on, Bruno, I'll explain the scene.
It's wonderful, Bruno. Do you see the steps?
You hide behind the ledge. Mike is on top.
Chinese shot him and he slips here.
Monsieur Mike will do this? But it will be very painful!
Bruno, but he's your double. What, do we need another backup for your backup?
- Of course not. - That's right.
Then you get up and say your lines. All in one plan.
The audience will not notice anything!
Samurai, put on your masks!
Good. Are you ready, Mike?
Everyone take your places! Action - for everyone.
Action!
James, they killed him!
No! After all, I haven't smoked my last cigarette.
And cut! Bravo, Bruno! Great!
Was I OK??
Mike, no. You were a little sluggish in the middle of stairs.
- Don't you think? - I think so.
- I can do it again. - Yes, of course.
Climb up. Quick, quick!
Where is the tea? Are you ready? Attention, Mike.
Attention. Action.
Action! Go, Mike!
- James, they killed him! - No!
- What I supposed to say? - Stop!
- Do not worry, Bruno. - I'm sorry, the failure of memory.
Do not worry, dear. It happens to the greatest. Retake.
Come on, Mike, fast, up!
Sorry.
- It's because of impressionism. - Do not worry.
Upstairs ready? Please note, I am calling "Action".
- Sugar? - Yes, a little.
Here. All right. Attention!
Action! Go, Mike!
James, they killed him!
- No! After all, I have not smoked my last... - Cut!
Bruno, you didn't wait until Mike rolled down.
- But you are not to blame, he rolled too slow. - I'm sorry.
You go down too slowly, we must shoot another take!
I would not like to criticize, but... I find Monsieur Gaucher not in shape today.
So, Monsieur Gaucher, please be more energetic, more dynamic.
Are you ready? I call "Action" again.
Action!
- James, they killed him! - No!
Stop! Who is responsible for props?
- What is it? - Lighter.
- Somebody find me a working lighter! - It was working.
It's necessary to make it work now, while shooting!
What is it? ...Okay. Sorry.
To forgive me, I'll invite you for a dinner tonight.
I guess I will not be in shape.
I'm sorry.
To lose so much time on a simple stunt!
Ready? Action!
James, they killed him!
Sergio, you didn't call the "Action."
Oh, excuse me, Bruno! Wow.
But it happens to the greatest. Mike, come on, we'll do it again! Get up.
take your spot, Mike, do not argue.
Move fast. Do not look at me like that, Mike.
Fast! Do your job.
Come on, get up! Quickly!
Gaucher, vigorous, energetic! We are late because of you.
We still have a lot to shoot. Quick... time is money.
Come on.
Hurry!
- I think that would be better. - You are not Tarzan!
We don't need more retakes. The first and second were good.
Exactly? ...And Bruno's lines?
- We'll take the second. All the same, he mumbles. - You're right. Enough.
Change the scenery. We have more work to do.
Bruno,let them remove the makeup.
Move!
Jane, I'd like to invite you for a dinner tonight.
Maybe. Excuse me for a moment.
Till tonight?
Mike?
Mike, you feel bad?
What are you doing?
I have not smoked my last cigarette.
- Does it hurt? - Yes, a little.
- But everywhere! - Wait.
Better now?
Are you getting married?
I do not know. Maybe.
- But I remember you, it's better not to marry! - You reproach me for that case.
- You first started to talk about the wedding. - No, I'm about something else.
You know what I think?
Viscount has such a bloodline that you would have kids with an extra head.
- What do you mean? - That they will have two heads.
- Two terrible heads. - Two heads?
- Yes, terrible as their parents. - Yes?
Mike!
Oh, my love.
My love, forgive me.
- Scoundrel, you lied to me again! - Jane.
- And don't count on me, no more! - Jane, my barn swallow.
I'm not angry at you, I invite you for a dinner at Lulu.
Give him my regards. But tonight I'm already invited.
Dinner with Sergio.
- Not just anyplace, but at the "Lido". - At the "Lido"?
And, of course, the sea of ??champagne!
Oh, my dear. Your presence gives me such a joy.
I'm so lost in this big Paris! Poor single Italian.
But now there're lot of people around you.
But evenings... If you would only know how long they can be.
- Not to mention the nights. - Oh, yes, the nights too!
- And you'll have breakfast, all alone! - How did you know?
Yesterday, when I saw you, I couldn't even think...
...that poor lonely Italian...
Waiter, where is the champagne?
You didn't say thate this cute Bruno will be here.
Meeting people, not telling anyone? Flirting without friends?
- Good evening, Bruno. - Good evening.
So what, a fat libertine, you got caught?
- Bruno, I'm always happy to see you. - I know.
Enough Bruno, it hurts!
I didn't mean it.
You're a real Hercules. You have steel muscles.
- And a sharp look. - Steel sight of velvet eyes.
- I can do with my body whatever I want. - Me too.
If I'm extra here...
- No, no! - No, Sergio.
What is it?
I'm afraid to make a mistake, but I think it's a birthday cake.
Whose birthday?
How did you know about it? You really are very nice.
Then kiss like two friends.
Let's be serious! I'll make a wish.
Will you help me?
This is enough.
Is this a joke?
Where is the bathroom? - Excuse me....
Where is the bathroom?
Tell me where's the phone? - Excuse me...
Hello, Bruno?
- Who is this? - Mike.
- Where are you? - At "Lido". I'm waiting for you.
Do you know what time is it?
Listen, could you put on your costume from the movie. The green one, with pink shirt.
Do you know how much I like you in it? Hurry, please.
Philemon! My green suit and a pink shirt.
- How did you know that it's my birthday? - Intuition.
Tell me about yourself.
- I am a single woman. - In love?
I was. But if I say in who, you wouldn't believe. - in Mike.
- I understand you very well. - But he was so primitive.
No, no... Behind his trivial tricks is hiding sensitive and intelligent man!
We're talking about two different people.
Can I steal you away, my lovely amazon?
- The car is waiting outside. - Wonderful!
Let's go, darling.
Drive home! .. Come on, go.
Thank you. Thanks for my suit.
I looked like fool in a public place! Sergio Campanese, the filmmaker!
Thanks, Bruno! And then, what did you wanted from this woman?
Why do you need a woman? Leave her to me!
How exquisite.
You have wonderful taste. Perfect.
I can magine your bedroom!
- Where is it? - What?
- Bedroom. - You do not know?
Show me your bedroom from "Thousand and One Nights"?
If you will not show it, I'll break your neck.
Simultaneously rigorous and sophisticated.
- Monsieur needs anything else? - Monsieur has all that is necessary. Get out.
It's really like a fairy tale!
Bruno, darling, will you find a drop of champagne?
- Champagne? - Yes.
So, where is the champagne?
Champagne? Same place as always.
Champagne?
- You'd like some champagne? - If this is a problem...
No problem.
We simply need the champagne.
- What? - Is this all yours?
Yes, I wear it in the morning, when I go shopping.
- Very practical! - And unusual.
- Can I try it on? - Whatever you want.
Champagne?
- I found the champagne! - One moment. I'm coming.
Were you thrown out of the window?
Hurry up, darling!
I'm here!
You!
You drive me mad?
Quiet, Bruno! Stay there!
Be a good girl! Stay back!
- To Bois de Boulogne? - To Montmartre!
- Ah, to "Misha"? - No, to me!
No, no, no... Brutal, this will not get me....
Enough. Enough. I had already guessed.
Take off your wig and stop this stupid game.
Marcel! Philemon! Help! To me!
Please stop. This is too much.
- Do not touch me! - This is not funny.
- You called us, master? - Yes, remove from here this monster!
- Bruno? - Yes!
Sorry!
- To Montmartre? - How did you know?
There are coincidences.
Ladies and gentlemen! The star of this film, beloved Bruno Ferrari...
...now, before your eyes, will perform unique trick in the history of cinema!
Using rope ladder attached to the helicopter, he will cross to a flying plane...
...who is operating by our favorite star, Priscilla Gomez!
Leave the car and come in through the back door.
- Why? - That journalists can't seen you.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have to give Monsieur Ferrari a chance to concentrate!
We are witnessing a historic moment! In the meantime, I'll show you a plane!
- How are you? - OK.
In great shape.
Did you have good time with this macaroni? He fed you pizza?
- You're a very bad actor. - What are you talking about?
From the beginning I knew it was you.
Sergio, in any case, didn't guessed!
Yes, but he doesn't know you. I used to live with you.
Although one time you surprised me.
- When we danced? - No, there was no progress!
You impressed me in the bed.
What? In the bed?
Wait... let me gather my thoughts.
I think we never had such a fantastic night!
You surpassed yourself. I couldn't recognize you.
So much imagination!
Now, I understood.
- Everybody out! - What?
Do what he says, leave.
- If he says... - Bye, honey!
I was really angry at you yesterday.
Fagot! You don't abhore anyone, creature!
- If you think... - No, not that!
Come on, Mike! I lied!
- What did she tell you? - That you slept together!
Me? With this?
No, do not touch me! No more, no!
I don't understand.
Now you believe me?
Here they are! What are you doing?
You're not ready and shooting starts in 10 minutes. Dress quickly!
I'm tired of your bed's intrigue.
I know everything, even though you hid it! So, you are doing acrobatics, I love it!
- I'm sure, we would have no time to be bored! - We?
Yes, I'll marry you today. Make your pirouette, and I'll take you.
But I did not agree!
Nothing can stand in front of me: neither animals or female.
Here's your dress. What do you say about it?
- Well? - Diamonds?
10,000 of them. You will look superb.
Put it on yourself.
There.
Wedding will be great.
How beautiful!
- I tend to agree. - Yes.
What is this? What happened?
Do not worry! My love is incomparable, do not be afraid! I have another one in the castle.
See you soon. And then for ever!
Your star is not even in the air but already craped his pants.
Shut up, people around us!
Get out Mike, we're ready.
Bravo, Bruno, bravo!
Assistant, walkie!
Thank you. Stand by. - Go, Mike!
- Bruno, you idiot! - Go, Bruno, you idiot!
- Moron, Bruno Ferrari! - Bruno Ferrari.
What is he doing? He's crazy!
Come on, Bruno!
This is Bruno!
Play songs!
Good for you, Bruno! You did it!
Binoculars!
Cling!
Mike, look out!
- But it wasn't in the script. - This is Italian improvisation.
Italian improvisation for French money!
Bravo! You haven't forgotten our old trick.
- That time you had a parachute. - You trusted me.
In my vein.
Do not rush, we have time, we don't have to hurry.
Your husband can wait.
No, no! Stop it!
Last night you didn't say "no." And if that idiot wouldn't come back...
- But now I say "no"! - I say "yes"!
- It wasn't in the script. - Yeah, it wasn't!
No!
No, let me go!
Damn, now everyone would know, it isn't Ferrari!
Let me go, you scoundrel!
- Hey, this is a stuntman Michel Gaucher. - They lied to us!
This was your idea, you idiot.
Well, it ended up in disaster!
- Do you prefer that old man? - Yes and now I'm just going to marry him!
- I will not let you! - Leave me alone! I don't want to see you!
Jane!
So far everything is going very well.
And that's what worries me.
She is an angel!
My beautiful!
I need to go to Jane, she is getting married.
Let me go!
The couple is responsible for moral and material state of the family...
...and education and future of their children.
Wife has the rights to choose a profession without the consent of her husband...
...and dispose its assets.
Viscount Monsieur de Saint-Prix, do you agree to marry Mademoiselle Jeanne Gardner...
...present here? - Yes.
Mademoiselle Jeanne Gardner, do you agree to become the wife of Viscount Monsieur de Saint-Prix?
No.
Don't be afraid! Don't be afraid!
Get out!
Monsieur Mayor, don't go!
- Where are you taking me? - To the City Hall of the 18th District.